Appreciate What You Have

Okay, it's come to my attention that there are some unfriendly visitors that have been slowly hanging around me more and more.

I've always thought these unwanted guests would eventually visit, I just never thought so soon. I mean, come on! Why are they bothering me? I've never asked them here. Why show up unannounced or uninvited?

Because they can. I guess that's all there is to it.

Years and years ago, I remember being singled out in Kindergarden for having red hair. My teacher was trying to explain Martin Luther King Day to the class. Her analogy went something like this, 'What happened to black people is like me telling Kathleen she must eat her lunch in the bathroom because she has red hair.' I'm 99% sure this happened because from that day forward, I used to count how many people in my class had red hair.

In my grade school I would count how many people in my class had red hair. There was never anyone new! When I counted on Friday that there were 2 people having red hair, it didn't change by Monday morning, or the next week or the next fall or the entire time we were in grade school.

Strangers would stop my mom to talk to her about my hair. Even as I grew up, strangers would stop me to say they liked my hair, hair dressers would always say 'People would die to have your hair' or 'People pay to have that color.'

In junior high my face used to turn bright red for pretty much any reason (well, it still does) and my Social Studies teacher who was the funniest teacher I've ever had used to call me a chameleon because I was able to change the color of my face to match my hair. When i think about it now, it was pretty ingenious, and very funny.

And of course there is the story of when I got on the bus in 1st grade and another little girl called me Carrot Top. I, of course, had no comeback. I went home and asked my brother Brian what I should say to her. He said, "You go back on that bus tomorrow and say, 'you know what Christina? The top of a carrot is green!'" I was so excited. This was going to be the best comeback ever! Seven years old and I have something cool and witty to say back and I know it's cool and witty because my cooler older brother told me what to say. I was praying Christina would be on the bus that next morning. Please, please, please! I thought to myself, 'Play it cool. Don't seem too anxious.' My heart was pounding, I felt my hands sweaty and my face hot. I stood next to her seat and said, 'You know what Christina? The top of a carrot is green.' I waited there for her response. After a bit she replied, 'No, your top is carrot-colored.' WHAT?!?!?!?!!? What happened to my comeback? I hadn't thought to ask Brian what to say if she had something else to say. But I had nothing. Defeated, I sat down.

All of this attention and people noticing my red hair made me self-conscious. I don't want to make it seem that I hated myself. It was just what I was self-conscious about as a child, just like we all have something. I used to hate it. Why did I have red hair? Why couldn't I have blonde or brown hair? Why did people always have to say something to me. Why would people pay for this color or better yet, why would they die for it? I just didn't get it.

Now, it is present day, no longer worrying about comebacks to 'carrot top' or being afraid of being called chameleon, or being weirded out by strangers talking to me about it. It's present day, and I have red hair that I actually love! I went from hating it mostly in gradeschool. Being 'okay' with it in high school and college to LOVING it now. That probably sounds so self-involved.

That is, until the unwanted visitors have been frequenting my hair more days than I'd like. At first it was one. And small, and able to be hidden under my bangs. But then there was another one. And I never pulled it out dammit! That rule where if you pull out one and four come to it's funeral? It didn't matter because it's stupid friend came to visit anyway! The unwanted guests? Gray hair. Way too many of them. I believe I am up to 7 near my forehead. I know it sounds ridiculous. But it took me a long time to enjoy my hair.

I'm finally here and the grays are starting to come in. It is a slow growth (knock on wood), but it has truly given me the opportunity to love my hair more. There will be a time that I'm going to go gray, completely, so I will be happy when I look back and know that when my hair was red, I loved it, I realised it made me - me and I appreciated while I had it. Let's just hope that the red sticks around for decades longer.